Category Archives: Teens

Parents: Don’t let summer choices drive you crazy. Ask these questions.

Summer camp.  Arts classes. Internships. Specialty Sports Camps. College Prep Programs. Travel programs. SAT summer prep classes. Employment. Volunteer work.

The list of options for what teens can do in the summer can go on and on.

As the list gets longer, the frustration grows proportionately. How is a family to choose?

Especially when taking into account an inordinate amount of factors, such as: the family’s work/life balance as parents juggle their own work schedules and vacation time, funds available at a time when resources are at a premium (pre-college), taking into account your teenager’s specific interests, thoughts about experiences that would help advance career goals, to name a few.

No wonder why the process is so overwhelming. How do you choose what to do? What takes priority?

Think about the questions below to help focus your search:

  • Should the summer be a time for study or for having fun?
  • Does my child need to have time programmed or less structured?
  • Is there an opportunity for down time?
  • What options will tend to influence character development and leadership abilities?
  • Are internships available that would help inform future career choices?
  • What opportunities are there to do community service?
  • What are the needs of the family regarding contributing to the family’s income?
  • Are there opportunities that will stretch skills and enable growth in a new area?
  • Can the summer be an opportunity to advance skills in a sport, interest, or activity–or help determine not to pursue the activity?

Consider this question: 

When high school is a faded memory — what activities will have made an impact?

Try thinking through summer activities with those goals in mind, despite how tempting it might be to fulfill short-term needs.

If you are thinking about what would be best for the college resume, college counselors and admissions officers have told me that after reading thousands and thousands of applications, they can see through the haze of shallow but well-intentioned lists of extracurricular activities that have breadth but no depth.

So, it will help your teen maximize the time they will be putting into a summer activity by thinking about the big picture and the grander purpose of these activities. The point of any worthwhile experience is to advance development, ideally add to their character, and be something that will have long-term meaning.

Photo credit: wikipedia

Before Your Teen Leaves for College

Ten Questions to Ask on a College Visit

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Refuse to accept the arrogant model of leadership

julius.

 

We live in a selfish age. I know, no kidding—so I needn’t bother you with listing all the reasons why this is true. Believe me, it would be cathartic for me to do so.  Are you sure you don’t want some examples?  Okay, just one. In 2014, over 93 million selfies were taken daily. Ninety-three million. This narcissistic attitude permeates our entire culture and is not only limited to individuals, it is also the way companies do business.

Headlines depict company after company’s egregious behavior toward consumers: airbag negligence in cars, airline seats subject to fine print agreements, bogus real estate deals, industry price-fixing, and the numerous recalls of tainted food. There’s even a television show created a decade ago, with enough content to offer viewers a glimpse of dirty dealings called “American Greed”.

This culture of self-hood even extends to appeals by organizations to continually ask you to do things for them, even though you’re the consumer and should be the recipient of any largesse. They want you to like them, follow them, and also post and tweet about them. The goal is to enhance their image by connecting with you via the currency of your social media identity.  Doesn’t this also seem like very self-centered behavior? However, why blame amorphous companies, when the leadership sets the tone.

This morning, Jim Cramer, a commentator on a business show said “we live in an arrogant society”. After reading the first published earnings report from Snapchat he flatly stated that CEO Evan Spiegel is “so arrogant” and needs to find some humility.  He said this because Spiegel did not own up to the facts (a 20% loss) and laughed (Snapchat is a public company). Arrogance is the enemy of humility, because you become so wrapped up in yourself that you are unaware of your obligations towards others. You lose a sense of being connected with others. It is arrogance that has de-humanized the workplace so much so that employees rarely feel a sense of company loyalty, and when they do, it makes headlines. Not surprisingly, the CEO of oGOLead.com  says that we’re in a leadership crisis.

Jewish non-profits can create a different model of leadership, one that has Biblical origins in our patriarchs and matriarchs. The desire to serve people (and a Higher Being) is a mark of humility. Being ‘other-oriented’ requires the ability to recognize that your place is not above another’s and arrogance occurs when someone forgets that.  Recently espoused by Max Depree in The Art of Leadership, a leader is one who serves.  Being a ‘servant’ leader today seems counter-cultural although it is where our roots lie.

Servant leadership means flipping the ‘what can you do for me’ equation to ‘what can I do for you’? This is not as simple as it seems.  First, let’s take a fundraising example. I recently saw a huge billboard sign posted in front of a non-profit (bearing the ubiquitous thermometer) that said “Give so we can make our goal”. See? You might think, ‘what’s so bad about that? It’s honest isn’t it?’  But that approach comes off as just a little arrogant and demanding.  How much more effective might it be to take the place of the other, the one who you’re trying to reach and think about their point of view.  Why should people give to your campaign? How will their help contribute to making the world a better place?  How can your organization serve others better by receiving a donation?

Next, let’s use membership as an example. I receive direct mail requests so often, and find most are highly ineffective, because they haven’t figured out the obvious. It’s not about them, it’s about the cause. Why should someone join? Believe it or not, the reason someone joins is not to become a member. There might be hundreds of reasons why your constituents might be motivated to be a part of your mission, and you need to discover at least some of them.  In order to serve, you need to have information.

At the very least, it comes from a place of humility and a desire to learn, and not in any way like posting a selfie.

 

 

 


What Engagement Is (and Isn’t)

chef

I wrote earlier on my blog site “Double Take” that some job descriptions are so vague, it’s almost impossible to figure out what the tasks are. In that post (called “What will you actually be doing if you get this job?”) I revealed that reading job descriptions is something I did regularly as a career consultant.

Scanning those help wanted ads (when there was such a thing) was valuable for so many reasons: it kept me abreast of industry changes and trends, corporate buzz words, and even company expansion into new areas. Think positions in corporate social responsibility, community relations, and medical ethics— fields which are now commonplace.

It also helped me coach clients on what to watch out for: job descriptions that were unrealistic, too vague or cryptic, or filled with tell-tale warning signs like: “ability to work under pressure with tight deadlines and irregular hours”.

So, what does this have to do with the state of the Jewish community? Plenty, it turns out. The position openings I see posted most often are positions I would have warned people about. These are jobs that on the face of it, have interesting titles, but when you dig deeper, issues bubble up. Most often those positions have either ‘Outreach’ or ‘Engagement’ in the title.

On the surface, those positions sound great and are full of promise, but since we know that many established Jewish non-profits are experiencing contraction (due to economic circumstances, demographics) their inability to effectively undertake the two things above is already a warning sign. When I read the descriptions more closely, my optimism takes a further hit.

The jobs, instead of focusing on involving new and prospective people in the organization, are often a mishmash of tasks that sound more like a recipe than a bona fide job description. Imagine the Grand Chef of Outreach, standing over a pot and adding in: a little marketing, a dash of donor relations, a sprinkling of grant writing, a bit of database management, a with a splash of social media thrown in for good measure.

This is neither outreach or engagement. It’s a job that is made of pieces that don’t necessarily belong together. The tell-tale sign for me is that no where do most of these openings mention responsibilities that should be essential components of outreach or engagement: interviewing stakeholders, gathering data, developing leaders, and implementing strategies and training mechanisms across departments to change organizational culture.

So, in order to do outreach, organizations need to make sure that it’s just not a new job that makes everyone feel a little better that something’s being done, but a real effort at organizational change that is manifested by the true work of engagement.


Now Is The Time To Start Writing Your College Essay

What Should I Write About?

What Should I Write About?

Writing Your College Essay Is Never Easy!

The time to begin your essay has never been more perfect.  Your experiences this past summer might even contribute to your choice of topic. As you begin thinking about writing, if you’re like most teens, you may be experiencing some anxiety. It’s always hard to stare at a blank page and think of what to write. But don’t worry. These easy tips might get you going in the right direction. If you need to bounce ideas around with someone, no problem. I can help (see below).

  • Do some preliminary thinking that involves some objectivity. Namely, who are you? Really. Know your character, personality, interests, hobbies, and skills. It is helpful to have this in mind as you begin brainstorming about topics.
  • First, think about the experiences you’ve had that might set you apart from the crowd of other applicants. Remember, it’s not that unusual for others your age to have traveled to other countries, helped in a homeless shelter, etc. It won’t be the experience itself that will set you apart, but how that experience changed you in some way. This reflection piece is very important and seems easier than it is. For example, it’s not that interesting to others (I know, this is hard to hear) that you went overseas, but what did going on that trip teach you? In what ways did that experience change you? The answer to that might make a great topic for an essay.
  • Make sure that what you write about is a good match for the school itself. For example, if you’re applying to mid-western schools it might not be that relevant if your experience has to do with deep-sea fishing. (are you laughing at all? Try to, it will help).
  • Make sure your language is colorful, descriptive, and not boring. Hopefully your personality will shine through your writing.

If you need support during this whole process, I will help you through it! You’ll get idea prompts, feedback on your writing, ways to help ‘the real you’ enter your writing, and focus your writing on your objectives. I’m here to help. You can read more about the work I do here, and sign up for a free consultation. 

Some resources that might help:

8 Tips for Crafting Your Best College Essay

Top Ten Tips for College Admissions Essays


Jewish Teen Engagement: Do We Want to Win or Lose the Game

Place your bets on teens!

Place your bets on teens!

The Jewish community is the throes of change that at times seems to be at a dizzying pace, yet there are still so many obstacles that seem to discourage the participation of Jewish teenagers in Jewish life.  (I’ve written about some of them here and here).

By the time we figure this all out, we might have lost our chance.  The adolescent years is a time for making decisions about identity, but that opportunity gets lost in the wave of programs trying to perpetuate themselves, rather than perpetuating a relationship with the Jewish people.

This is best explained through a case study.

Let’s pretend you’re a teenager who is part of a synagogue community. Your bar/bat mitzvah was a few years ago.  It was a great experience, and as you said in your speech “all the work you had to do was worth it in the end”. Your parents were so proud.

You were glad to ‘be done’ but against all odds, you decided to continue in your synagogue’s Confirmation program. You were surprised though that 50% of your friends dropped out. They were too busy they said (but aren’t you?) or their parents said they weren’t going to  ‘make them’ attend (your friends told you their parents said they didn’t want them to resent their parents later).

So, now, from a class of 25, there are about 12 kids in your weekly class. You really enjoy studying with the Rabbi, and talking about the issues that matter to you. You really are beginning to see the relevance of Judaism in your life. Some of your friends in other synagogues have a different set-up, they work in their synagogue schools every week and earn some money. Sometimes you wonder whether that would have been better, since your parents talk about college expenses so much. But, you do like learning…..so much so, that you might want to continue—-even after the Confirmation ceremony, but the only option is Adult Education, and that would just be too…..uh…..nerdy.  You’ve heard that your friend’s synagogue has a class for 11th graders, but you don’t belong to that synagogue.

If you are lucky enough to find out about a community Hebrew high school that offers programming for 11th and 12th graders (some community schools are seen as competition to synagogue offerings), you’d be one of the few to do so, because by about now, there are 75% less of your friends who would have made this same choice (so now you’re down to about 3 of your friends). Your other friends were too busy (but aren’t you?) and they have college to think about (don’t you?) and get their grades up to speed (don’t you?). And chances are, your synagogue might not have shared this information with you.

If you find a program to attend, you might want to learn conversational Hebrew, or take leadership classes, participate in an internship program, or even take a college course. Little do your friends know that this experience will actually help get you into college, prepare you to think more broadly (your Bio-Medical Ethics class is so issue-oriented), and gives you so many chances to develop your skills in public speaking (you plan programs for the school), attend college readiness programs and establish relationships with teachers….not to mention the ‘street cred’ of being able to handle everything you’re already doing plus this academic program.

But you are one of the lucky ones, and you probably will be among the future leaders, simply because the education and involvement you’ve had puts you there.

So, with you, the Jewish community won. Your friends? Well, time will tell.


Do Jewish Teens Need an Ethical Tune-Up?

cheating

How ethical are today’s teens?

When given the chance to cheat, what would the teenagers you know do?

A recent New York Times article on the subject of Ethics in Life and Business explored the difficulty adults have in making the right choice.

The author says: “The problem, research shows, is that how we think we’re going to act when faced with a moral decision and how we really do act are often vastly different.”

How much more challenging is this for teens growing up in a confusing world of right and wrong?

Months ago, I was surprised to learn how teens defined cheating while defending their behavior.

Since the scandals of the 80’s, businesses and researchers were propelled to give ethics serious consideration and there is now a website devoted to the matter.

As the article states, the difficulty in teaching ethics is that there is a difference between the ‘should’ self (what should be done in a given situation) and the ‘want’ self (wanting to be liked, accepted).

I imagine that with teens, that ‘want’ self is really strong in the adolescent years.

Social media hasn’t made things any easier for them, where there is even more of a pull to be one of the crowd.

Academic pressure hasn’t helped either, with the resultant urge to cheat becoming ever stronger.

Based on everything we know, there is a real benefit to training teens in this area while giving them real skills to succeed in the world of business,

So, how to we hope to teach ethics to teens?

By practice. Repetition. Role-plays. Scenarios where teenagers get to act out their choices.

High schools rarely offer ethics as a subject area.

Monthly programs for teens can not begin to instill these skills, there’s just not enough time to make anything ‘stick’.

Jewish educators who meet with teens weekly have an exceptional opportunity to give them a much-needed tune-up.


the challenge of raising teens in a country missing moral clarity

Ethical clarity? Clueless

Ethical clarity? Clueless

The year is newly born, yet through the lens of ethics things feel quite stale.

The clarity that should come easily when as a country, we are faced with ethical challenges, eludes us and sadly, our teenagers.

This evening, the news reported that yes, in fact, the White House made a mistake by not sending a noted and visible government official to the protests in France. This admission by our leadership, came a full day after everyone was shaking their heads in confusion about why the U.S. was absent from such a history-making event.

On January 11th, Paris was the place to be, a place where world leaders and millions gathered to support the lofty goals that make us human.

The coverage yesterday billowed with those intangible ideals that some risk their lives preserving.

What could have been more clear than for the U.S. to show support not only for the freedom of free speech (#JeSuisCharlie) but for freedom of religion (#JeSuisJuif). Both exemplify the values our country was founded upon.

usflag

Ideals are the very thing that inspires our youth, especially Jewish teens. Our teens need to  see that the world has the capacity to stand up against anti-Semitism, terror, and cruelty. That’s the message that we would want our civic leaders to share.

In today’s times, when our youth need to grow up with a clearer ethical direction, instead they often experience the swampy murkiness of political correctness, hedging, and wishy-washy behavior.

Yesterday for me was a chance to purge ourselves just a tiny bit from the overwhelming heap of moral misses: cheating on tests by school districts, abuse by teachers, stealing by politicians, abuse of power by the famous and infamous, and an increasing distrust of those who serve to protect us.

What better time than now, to reflect on what has the potential to make humans great, instead of what havoc has been created from terrorists.

Our teens hear too much from the dark side and subsequently, the downside of being Jewish. The past year has been challenging to embrace Judaism and its future. This was the year of the Gaza war, the signed petition by university academics boycotting Israel, the increased visibility of the BDS movement, and the Pew report on the disaffiliation rates of American Jews that take their searches for meaning outside the typical synagogue experience. Hitting closer to home was the debate about Open Hillels and the USY controversy, creating many opportunity for rich discussions, but when not taken, just causing more confusion and bewilderment.

Yesterday, at least for that day, although I hope and pray for much longer, we could have thought about the fact that Jews are not in the freedom fight alone. There is a world of people out there who care about fairness, innocence and who are willing to call evil and terror just what it is.

Reporters worldwide were talking about Anti-Semitism in France, for the first time.

And Jewish educators felt vindicated: yes, there are these horrible things that happened and the world took notice.

Except their own country was not visible on that day. And yes, it was a big deal and a big loss.

(I wonder how the history books will retell the march in France….would it be noted as the historic event it was, or will be downplayed because the U.S. did not participate?).

It is up to us then, to make sure that the lessons of the day, unlike the transitory images on the screen, don’t disappear. I am embarrassed that my country did not choose to be visible and laud this event for what it was: an opportunity to gain moral clarity for our teens.

Photo courtesy of Gratisography.com