Category Archives: Parenting

From Jewish Camp to Home: Five Easy Things to Do

camp

 

How can your Jewish community maximize campers’ experiences when they arrive home?

Summer camp is exhilarating for our Jewish teens. For most, living Judaism 24/7 and not as an ‘add-on’ activity that so often happens on the home front is a powerful experience.  The ways in which it’s different are probably obvious but some still deserve mentioning:

  • Weeks at camp have the rhythm of Shabbat
  • They’re socializing in a “Jewish bubble” surrounded by staff and friends who are all Jewish and who are making a commitment to be together for several weeks
  • They’re being challenged in unique ways that stimulate thinking and growth
  • Many or most of their activities are highly interactive and engaging
  • The adults they interact with are supporting and non-threatening
  • Camp is a socially safe (usually) environment where problems and issues are sorted out in real-time, when they occur.

So, how can we bridge these experiences to foster a deeper connection with Judaism when they arrive back home? 

How can we assist our Jewish teens,  who have just spent the summer being energized about a Judaism that is alive, pulsing, vibrant, and changeable, return home?

Here are some suggestions for using the talents our teens have gained over the summer:

#1.  Mentor a group to begin a ‘camp style’ group at the synagogue, or community center. Members may have been to camp, or just be interested in this new offering.

#2.  Put one or more Jewish teens on your committees to infuse it with some new ideas and approaches that they’ve learned at camp.

#3.  Help the teens develop goals to incorporate one new and different thing from camp into experiential programming for your youth.

#4.  Feature these Jewish summer camp experts as part of a panel that explores the ways in which your community can learn and be enriched by their experience.

#5.  Get these teens in front of younger kids to share their experiences and foster motivation for a Jewish summer camp experience.

(optional #6: tell me  how it goes!)

 

Photo credit: Wikipedia

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How to Deal With Angry Words in Troubling Times

 

Can you stay calm in an angry world?

Can you stay calm in an angry world?

I almost can’t watch the news anymore. For me, no matter what channel I turn to what I hear are words that seem to incite an emotional response and cause me to feel a great deal of angst. Reporters and screen crawlers alike parse out words and headlines that increase my heart rate, making me very anxious about what to expect (or not) next.

I am definitely on overload. I can tell because right about now I could use a strong dose of several Hallmark movies just to offset all the negativity that surrounds me. Or a Disney film. Anything without violence, terror, bloodshed, or senseless killing. There’s enough of that via the media that seeps into my home on a daily basis.

How do you respond internally to all of these caustic attacks? Does it affect you? Do you want to turn off the TV? Do you want to shout back?

I believe that we are affected by all that’s around us, including the words and images we let in, and that we also contribute to our reality by either accepting things as they are or by doing something to offset it.

Words matter. According to some Jewish traditions, the entire world was created with words.

Whether or not that is your belief, we all know that words have an immense ability to create, change, and mediate our reality.

We should not take words lightly. I remember this acutely after Yitzhak’s Rabin’s assassination, when there was much in the media about the verbal incrimination and incitement that led up to it. Libelous terms were casually used, and the level of poisonous words escalated when reporting about the opposition to his pursuit of peace. An account on CNN’s site last month (on the anniversary of the assassination) said “They called Rabin a traitor; some went so far as to liken him to a Nazi SS officer.”

Our own American reality has changed in just the past few weeks. Terror shootings have shocked us all. The death toll in just the past few months is beyond belief.  The ways in which we cope with the portrayal of these violent acts tells us more about who we are as a society than more benevolent times. How are we coping with this?

Many reporters, politicians, and pundits try to top each other by using acrimonious labels, venomous attacks, and ever more harsh statements. Reading or hearing these words would have shocked most of us just several months ago. We have to be careful that these experiences do not become our new normal. Very careful.

How can we possibly change what’s already happening? By doing what we can in our own small circle. I know this might sound very simplistic, but by making sure we behave the way we were intended to be–with honor, civility, and kindness, we can create a reality that is very different from the one we’re constantly exposed to.

We can change things by focusing as much as we can on our own choice of words.  Be more aware of the words you use to describe something you don’t like. Dare to do the opposite of what you’re reading and hearing.  

Speak more kindly.  Use even more care with how you speak with others. The power of your words will affirm that creation is Good.  “And God saw all that God had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:35).

 

 


Now Is The Time To Start Writing Your College Essay

What Should I Write About?

What Should I Write About?

Writing Your College Essay Is Never Easy!

The time to begin your essay has never been more perfect.  Your experiences this past summer might even contribute to your choice of topic. As you begin thinking about writing, if you’re like most teens, you may be experiencing some anxiety. It’s always hard to stare at a blank page and think of what to write. But don’t worry. These easy tips might get you going in the right direction. If you need to bounce ideas around with someone, no problem. I can help (see below).

  • Do some preliminary thinking that involves some objectivity. Namely, who are you? Really. Know your character, personality, interests, hobbies, and skills. It is helpful to have this in mind as you begin brainstorming about topics.
  • First, think about the experiences you’ve had that might set you apart from the crowd of other applicants. Remember, it’s not that unusual for others your age to have traveled to other countries, helped in a homeless shelter, etc. It won’t be the experience itself that will set you apart, but how that experience changed you in some way. This reflection piece is very important and seems easier than it is. For example, it’s not that interesting to others (I know, this is hard to hear) that you went overseas, but what did going on that trip teach you? In what ways did that experience change you? The answer to that might make a great topic for an essay.
  • Make sure that what you write about is a good match for the school itself. For example, if you’re applying to mid-western schools it might not be that relevant if your experience has to do with deep-sea fishing. (are you laughing at all? Try to, it will help).
  • Make sure your language is colorful, descriptive, and not boring. Hopefully your personality will shine through your writing.

If you need support during this whole process, I will help you through it! You’ll get idea prompts, feedback on your writing, ways to help ‘the real you’ enter your writing, and focus your writing on your objectives. I’m here to help. You can read more about the work I do here, and sign up for a free consultation. 

Some resources that might help:

8 Tips for Crafting Your Best College Essay

Top Ten Tips for College Admissions Essays


“This is not Camp!” How Parents Can Be More Welcoming

CampLake

If your child is returning home from overnight camp, expect that your laundry room will be filled with the dirtiest, grimiest piles of clothing you’ve ever seen since—well, never. Is it a surprise that you’re contemplating just chucking the whole lot and starting over for the coming school year? After all, do you really want to put the items with stained evidence of sleep-outs, mud slides, s’mores and who-knows-what else into your nice, shiny, clean washing machine? Though it is a formidable machine (which in some cases ought to pay rent for the space it takes up in your home) clearly intended to do the job of cleaning all manner of dirty clothing, you just don’t believe these clothes will ever be clean, no matter what the ads say.

(I’d like to introduce you to my new blog….please continue reading here on “Double Take”, and let me know what you think!)

Double Take


My Advice to Parents Before Your Teenager Leaves for College

College readiness for parents

Dorm stuff? Check. Water? Check. Values?

For those teens who have hopefully garnered enough college acceptance letters to make some choices, parents will need to make some choices too.

In a short time, your son or daughter will be packing bags to embark on a most amazing journey of self discovery at a college.

How does this new change redefine your role?

In what ways will you need to re-adjust your definition of parenting?

What would you say would be the best outcomes for your teenager during and after the college experience?

Do you both have the same set of expectations?

Recently, at a parent workshop on college admissions, several parents were very concerned about their child’s employability after college.

This is understandable. After all, college expenses are high, and in our culture, we’re very concerned nowadays about ROI (return on investment).

One set of parents explained that although their daughter was very interested in the arts, and it was her passion since elementary school, they felt that majoring in that field would be ‘a waste’, since it would be hard to earn a living after graduation.

Another set of concerned parents said their son, who loved sports in high school, was determined to attend a college with a great sports team, so he could try out and fulfill his desire to play baseball. However, they felt that his focus should be on a career instead, and since they felt that he didn’t have the skills to make the team, and he should redirect his focus now toward something more practical.

What is your priority for your teenager’s college education? Would the same outcome goals satisfy you and your teenager?

Should the main goal of college be to prepare your child for a job? Prepare your child for life? Give your child essential experiences to develop character? Encourage and develop passions? Create a lifelong network of friends?

In the examples above, it took some effort to redirect the conversation from the concerns centered around monetary success to ones that centered on the goals of a college education.

In recent years, I’ve seen increased pressure on teenagers to determine their life goals while in high school…in order to ‘maximize’ the college years. I remember being very surprised when a high school sophomore told me that she wanted to be a lawyer, in the business side of the entertainment industry, primarily negotiating contracts with singers.

Curious, I asked if she had taken a career inventory, or read a book on career development, or completed a career workshop because her goals were so specific. Her response was that her parents thought that since she was interested in singing, choosing that career would be a way to for her to make a lot of money.

So, what do you really want for your teenager in life? Are those the same things that your teenager wants?

This might be a great time to talk with your teenager about how you and he/she defines success.

Having all the dorm paraphernalia is important, but more important is having one of those conversations of a lifetime, so all parties have their values in alignment before bags are packed.

Image: http://www.flickr.com labeled for non-commercial reuse

Related articles:


Redeem the Passover Seder from Stereotypes

SederBoys

Free these sons from the bondage of labels.

The apocryphal story of the “Four Sons” has been a part of every Passover Seder I’ve ever attended or hosted.

The seder has a unique and beautiful educational premise: how best to involve the younger audience in the story. One way it does so is by encouraging the questioning process about the meaning of Passover. (For ideas on how to involve teens click here).

The picture above is from one of the Haggadahs I inherited from way back when, and depicts the types of questions that are archetypal of the four personality and character traits of those who are/should be asking questions at the seder.

This section comes immediately after the recitation (often by the youngest in the crowd) of the four questions as to “why is this night different from all other nights.”

Translated, the Hebrew descriptions above are:

  1. The Wise One
  2. The Evil One
  3. The Simple One
  4. The One That Doesn’t Know How to Ask (questions).

Credit goes to the artist for keeping gender references away from the Hebrew wording, although the pictures make things pretty clear that it’s the boys we’re talking about.  (Why the text only identifies sons is not a discussion I’ll be pursuing here).

The Haggadah proceeds to relate an example of how each different child asks questions and the adult’s proper response to that question. (You may want to refer to an actual Haggadah. For the content, you can find an example here).

This is where we need to redeem the children from their bondage in the Haggadah.   There is a greater picture here that we shouldn’t miss. Let’s not promote the stereotyping of learning styles but instead think beyond labels toward inclusion.

Contained in the question and answer descriptions are so many possibilities for encouraging an open discussion about values, education, ethics, parenting and more.

They are in themselves, triggers for so many additional conversations:

  • Getting Beyond the Labels (i.e. what is your definition of wise, evil, etc.)
  • Effective and Ineffective Communication Styles
  • What Happens When We Don’t Ask the Questions
  • Parenting Approaches
  • Learning Differences
  • Rebellion vs. Evil Intent
  • Effects of Being Labelled
  • Intelligence vs. Wisdom
  • Prejudice
  • Inclusion
  • Multiple Intelligences

As long as Jewish culture, history, heritage, and values are part of the discussion, any one of the conversation starters above has the potential to engage all participants, drawing everyone into the Seder’s emotional netting. Hopefully, this will bring the original intention of the Haggadah to life.

I wish you and your loved ones a Chag Kasher v’Sameach!

Related content:

Outcome based Parenting

What Does It Really Mean To Be Jewish

Family Values


Jewish Parents: How to decide the best option for your teen this summer

Summer: a time for choices

Summer: a time for choices

 

Jewish summer camp.  Arts classes. Internships. Specialty Sports Camps. College Prep Programs. Travel programs. SAT summer prep classes. Employment. Volunteer work.

The list of options for what teens can do in the summer can go on and on.

As the list gets longer, the frustration grows proportionately. How is a family to choose? In addition, there are a multitude of factors that also need to weigh in: the family’s work/life balance as parents juggle their own work schedules and vacation time, funds available at a time when resources are at a premium (pre-college), plus taking into account your teenager’s specific interests and career goals.

No wonder why so many parents are feeling overwhelmed. How do you help your teen choose what to do? What takes priority? The choices above are amplified by the following questions:

  • Should your teenager take on an internship?
  • Or do volunteer work?
  • Or use the time in the summer to prepare for college entrance exams?
  • What about taking a leadership role in an activity…is that off the table for the summer?
  • Should your teenager begin working so he/she learns responsibility and the value of a dollar?
  • How about making sure that your teen shows continuity by enhancing skills in a sport or activity that he/she excels in?

Another way to help, is for you to reflect back on your own summer experiences.

Which summer options continued to stick with you a long time after and why?

What would you have wished to do if you were able?

What mistakes did you make that actually contributed to the choices you’ve made now? (In other words, thinking about the positive outcomes of choices that might not have been the best might ease any guilt you might feel now of not making the perfect choice)

Here is my recommendation: select those activities that will continue to have meaning later in life.

When high school is a faded memory and your teen is already immersed in college–what activities will have made an impact?

Try thinking through summer activities with those goals in mind, despite how tempting it might be to fulfill short-term needs.

And I need to say here that you might just need to make sure that your teenager is occupied everyday while you’re at work. I get it, it is tough out there, no question. 

If you are thinking about what would be best for the college resume, college counselors and admissions officers have told  me that after reading thousands and thousands of applications, they can see through the haze of shallow but well-intentioned lists of extracurricular activities that have breadth but no depth.

So, you need to maximize your teen’s time, short as it is. So, keep in mind that the grander purpose of these activities is to give your teen something that will add to his/her character, something that will have long-term meaning.

Photo credit: wikipedia

Are you struggling with summer decisions? Please share your comments and thoughts, I’d like to hear from you.